I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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