dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
