Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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