Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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