Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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