Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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