I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
