I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
