So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
