I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Randomize
