How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
