Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just invented taco cereal.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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