ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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