yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
