OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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