dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
