hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
