it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
