i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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