Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
i think my cat just said my name.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
