At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
