i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize