Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
