woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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