if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
