Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
