i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
