Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
