My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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