I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
