i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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