I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
