I hate your face
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
