just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
