i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
