I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
