shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
