I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
