the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Randomize
