I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
