you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
