I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
