I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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