hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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