when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
