she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
