What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
