OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
