He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
