I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
