i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
