Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
