Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
