When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
This can only be settled by a dance off.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
