did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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