P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
