Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
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