THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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