his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
