can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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