totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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