I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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