Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
