how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
