Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
