so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
okay pat passed out under dana's car
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
