Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
