sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
