Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
high people should be assigned attendants
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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