We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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