I need help removing her.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
