need another drink. this is the easiest way
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
